


Edge of the Ocean

by miera



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe, Established Relationship, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-31
Updated: 2011-05-31
Packaged: 2017-10-22 20:45:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/242399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miera/pseuds/miera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"At the edge of the ocean, we can start over again"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Edge of the Ocean

**Author's Note:**

> OK I was in a weird mood this evening, which translated to expository Sparky fic with hints of angst but a happy ending. Also the continuing adventures of Nathaniel and Nora Sheppard and their crazy parents, though the kids only make tangential appearances here

Finally, John could no longer avoid going home. Dr. Biro was babysitting the kids and when he got there, she took one look at his face and knew. She patted his arm sympathetically and left without a word.

John went into the kids' room. Nathaniel was asleep, clutching his teddy bear and his blanket, curled up in a ball the way he always slept. Nora was in her crib, sprawled on her back. There were toys strewn all over the floor and John busied himself with picking them up mostly from force of habit. It was what Elizabeth always did when she came into check on the kids.

He froze at the thought, his fingers tightening around the stuffed toy plane someone had sent Nathaniel for his last birthday. Tears welled up in his eyes. John hadn't cried since his mother had died, and he swallowed, trying to suppress it. He didn't want to wake the kids. They needed to sleep, especially now. He stood still in the dark room, breathing and trying to calm his heart.

For a few hours today, he'd faced the possibility of having to come here and tell his son and daughter that their Mommy wasn't coming back. He still didn't know how he would have gotten through it.

God had spared him that. Elizabeth would live. She would be all right.

He never wanted to go through anything like this again.

Nora began to whimper and John finally put down the arm full of toys he was still holding and wiped his eyes hastily. He rubbed her belly gently, not sure if she was hungry or just dreaming, and she settled down. John leaned over and kissed her, then kissed Nathaniel and wiped his eyes again. He went to take a shower, to wash the stench of this day off himself and try to get some rest. His children were going to need him until Elizabeth was out of the infirmary.

*~*~*~*~*

The dangerous close-call with the Asurans was still haunting Elizabeth several weeks later. John found her brooding in their quarters a lot, or playing with Nathaniel or sitting with Nora in her lap long after the baby had fallen asleep. John comforted her when she woke up from nightmares sobbing in fear, and Elizabeth made no protest when he checked in on her multiple times a day and held on to her tightly when they went to bed. Many, many times she turned to him in the night, straddling his lap or pulling him on top of her so that she could put the memories of what had happened away for a while. John didn't object. He needed it as much as she did.

When Elizabeth haltingly said, "John, I think we need to talk," for once he didn't resist at all. He agreed before the words were out of her mouth that the time had come to leave. Elizabeth looked anxious but John's mind had been made up for a while now. He'd mostly stopped leading an exploration team when Nora was born. It just hadn't been practical with two children under five. And back when Elizabeth had gotten pregnant with Nathaniel, they both had known deep down that the day would come when they would have to go. They would need to go to school, to live in a house and make friends and have a childhood. And John would have done anything to keep Elizabeth and the kids safe, including giving up Atlantis for good.

Nobody questioned their decision or their reasons. John did his best not to notice the hint of resentment in the eyes of Ronon and Teyla. They didn't have the option to simply walk away from a war and retire to a planet where aliens didn't appear in the sky and terrorize the population, that had luxuries most of the Pegasus galaxy couldn't dream of. He put the guilt over that alongside a pile of other things that weighed on him in the middle of the night and concentrated on packing.

As he and Elizabeth endured the farewell party and then went to the gate room with the kids, John held Nathaniel's hand and wondered how much of this he would remember. Nora was still a baby, so Atlantis would only be a story to her, but Nathaniel was nearly four and he might remember bits and pieces. It wouldn't be easy, having to lie to a lot of people about where they had spent the last few years.

After hugging Rodney, Carson and Ronon and saying goodbye to Teyla, Elizabeth reached for his hand. She had Nora in her arms and Nathaniel was holding tightly to his other hand. The four of them walked through the gate together.

*~*~*~*~*

They were still working on settling into the house when John got the phone call about his father.

Elizabeth's mother had come to Colorado Springs within a few days of their return to Earth, eager to finally hug her grandchildren in person. She had stuck around for a couple of weeks while they were househunting to spoil the kids while babysitting. John hadn't spoken directly with his father yet, but he had had a semi-civil conversation with his brother. Elizabeth had been gently persuading him that they should bring the kids to meet their grandfather soon, but now it was too late.

He was grateful Elizabeth had been sending photos of the kids to his brother for the past couple of years. His father would at least have seen the pictures.

Elizabeth's mom came to their rescue again, coming out to sit with the kids while they flew to the funeral. John was deeply grateful Elizabeth was there. Her ability to make small talk with anyone rescued him from having awkward conversations with most of the guests, save one. Nancy looked stunned when she learned he was married and a father. John felt a stab of remorse, remembering how he'd argued with her that he wasn't ready for kids when they were married. But it had been the truth. Of course, he'd hardly been ready for fatherhood when Elizabeth became pregnant either, but he didn't mention that to his ex-wife.

David asked them to stay through the morning, as the lawyers wanted John to be at the reading of the will. John felt a prickle of foreboding at that. When he'd joined the Air Force, his father had carried through on his threat to cut John out of the will. Elizabeth tried to soothe him, and when he responded by kissing her urgently, she relaxed against him, letting him maneuver her onto her back and make love to her until he'd successfully driven all other thoughts from his head and fell asleep.

In the morning, he got another shock when his father's attorney explained that the will had been rewritten two years ago. His father had left John's portion of the family estate to John's children, kept in trust for them when they were of age. It was exactly the kind of passive-aggressive bullshit John had wanted to escape. He fumed about most of the way home, Elizabeth listening silently with a frown on her face that he knew wasn't directed at him.

Finally, as they drove up to the house, she sighed. "Well, at least we don't have to worry about college funds."

He laughed in spite of himself.

*~*~*~*~*

John had never pictured himself as a father, and after going to Atlantis he had honestly expected to die in the line of duty somewhere in Pegasus eventually so he had stopped imagining his retirement a while ago. Being back on Earth was strange enough. Being a stay-at-home parent most of the time was just freaking weird.

At least their house wasn't white and didn't have a picket fence, though the back yard was fenced in because Elizabeth wanted a dog when the kids were old enough. He was rather glad that the apartment the SGC had found for them hadn't really be adequate for two small children. It had prevented Elizabeth's perfectionist tendencies from inhibiting the search for a house too much. This one had enough rooms for everyone, a nice backyard and a patio and there was a community pool not far away. Elizabeth already had plans for painting and also remodeling the kitchen and bathrooms, but John figured they could hire people to help with that if needed.

He did work intermittently, doing consulting for security companies as well as the SGC. Apparently the black mark on his record was not of much concern to defense contractors, a number of whom had tried to hire him not long after they got back. John elected not to take a full-time job, largely because wearing a suit depressed him too much, or so he teased Elizabeth.

She was in more demand than he was, from various parts of the government and in diplomatic circles. John found the role-reversal ironic. For most of their relationship, he had been the one to go off and travel far and wide while she stayed behind. Now it was his turn.

Elizabeth only did consulting work as well, refusing full-time positions when they were offered to her. Their combined bank accounts were more than enough to live on – all that hazard pay for their time in Atlantis had just been sitting there accumulating interest. She would never be content not working at all, he knew, even with her multiple home improvement ideas. She was writing a lot as well, in her spare time, though more than once John and Nathaniel pried her away from her laptop to play football with them in the backyard. Elizabeth was teaching Nathaniel to root for the Yankees, which was just all kinds of wrong as far as John was concerned.

He got restless, particularly after they finished unpacking and setting up the house and his days were filled with mundane chores like laundry. It wasn't surprising, of course. Elizabeth had moments of snappishness too. They both had required meetings with a psychiatrist from the SGC, a stipulation of their contracts. While a number of SGC personnel had transitioned into civilian life, none of them had been actually stationed in another galaxy. It was one hell of an adjustment to make.

A few people from Atlantis were in Colorado Springs, including Laura Cadman, who made instant friends with Nora. Cameron came by on weekends, helping John set up a gas grill in the backyard, playing football with Nathaniel and shamelessly flirting with Elizabeth just to annoy the hell out of John. Daniel came too, with Vala trailing behind him sometimes. John was not sanguine about having that woman in the house, no matter how much Daniel promised she'd reformed.

Elizabeth and Daniel would have long, drawn-out discussions about politics and culture and John left them to it, knowing by the flash in Elizabeth's eyes as she argued that she was enjoying herself immensely. John would go sit with Jack in the living room and try to understand the appeal of hockey.

He got emails from Rodney regularly, and Teyla and Carson wrote as well. Elizabeth heard from them and from Radek and several of the other scientists. Things in Atlantis weren't perfect, not with Richard Woolsey in charge (something that made Elizabeth grind her teeth), but they were okay. Some days, John missed the city more than he thought possible. Then he would see Elizabeth sitting at the kitchen table absorbed in reading or cuddled up on the couch with Nathaniel watching a movie and remember her lying in the infirmary and be grateful.

It had been summer when they returned, but the weather finally cooled off and fall arrived. Nathaniel had never seen seasons change and he got a kick out of jumping in leaf piles and going trick-or-treating for the first time. For some inexplicable reason he wanted to dress up like Batman, so they found a costume online. Elizabeth stayed home with Nora while John took his son just down their own street, but the look in Nathaniel's eyes as they went out into the dark that night was something John would never forget.

They spent Christmas alone, just the four of them. Nathaniel was buzzed on sugar and excitement from Halloween all the way through the end of the year, it seemed. Nora's eyes nearly bugged out of her head when she saw the Christmas tree.

John's present for Elizabeth was two plane tickets to Hawaii. It was the honeymoon they hadn't gotten to have, since their marriage had been when she was three months pregnant with Nathaniel. They had never been able to take more than a few hours alone together just to relax, not in all the years they'd known each other and it was past time they got a vacation. Her mom came over right after Christmas to stay with the kids. Elizabeth was hesitant about being so far away, but John and her mother were persuasive and eventually Elizabeth relaxed as they flew over the Pacific.

The resort was right on the water, and their window overlooked the ocean. It wasn't exactly the same thing but close enough.

They called home and wished the kids a happy new year before ordering room service and eating one of the best steak dinners John had ever had, followed by chocolate cake that made Elizabeth actually drool.

That night John lay in the bed with Elizabeth, sweaty and sated lying with her head on his chest. He could tell by her breathing that she wasn't asleep either. His fingers threaded through the curls of her hair as they simply listened to the sound of the waves.

Elizabeth propped herself up on one elbow and looked at him. "Do you regret it?" She didn't explain further but he knew what she meant.

He shook his head. "No." He didn't have the words to explain himself to her, but Elizabeth had always understood him without needing words. He only added, "It's worth it."

She kissed him and John pulled her close, wrapping himself around her in the bed and they fell asleep with the windows open and the surf crashing on the shore outside.


End file.
